There’s a little orange sponge in the shower. Sometimes I use it, sometimes I don’t. I don’t know why, except maybe to be different. I don’t know why that’s different, but somehow the association has been made in my mind that using the sponge is efficient (it’s what I normally use) and not using it is different.

This morning I went to use the sponge, but I stopped halfway, thinking “no, I want to be different.” But I was already reaching for the thing so I kept going. But I stopped myself again, “different,” I thought. “Stupid,” I thought back and kept reaching. Back and forth I went for maybe 5 seconds, which is a lot of thinking about a sponge, in real physical apoplexy. Stuttering.

This is a problem I have sometimes. My mind works in generalities, which have broad meaning. My mind, I think, goes toward these kinds of thoughts naturally, which means that things become symbolic easily, and take on meanings disproportionate to their scale. Isn’t that strange? That the decision to use a sponge or not can become the decision to be “normal” or “different”? But also it’s not strange, because it’s basic human nature (religion anyone?).

Why do we do this? And what does it mean when I make a small decision like this that I’ve ascribe greater meaning to? Does it change me in proportion to the act or to the symbolic weight ascribed the act?