Sorry about that last post. Pure spew, but I think highlighting why this conference is less fun for me and what I'm thinking of design-wise. And I think the two things are connected. The last time I was here, I was more interested in things to inspire me, looking outside myself to disciplines and topics that, although they didn't necessarily have direct impact on my work, were cool and of interest to me. I think now I'm more concerned with how to move into the next phase of my career. I mean, internally this is my preoccupation. And externally, how to create an environment at my work conducive to creativity. These things are related, because the next phase of my career is a movement from worker/student to master/teacher. Like in kung fu, right?

It's hard for me to even type that word," master", because I feel I have so much still to learn about my profession. Somehow, though, I think I need to come to terms with that word. Realizing that it doesn't necessarily envelop the idea of "expert".

As a student, even in college, I somehow carried this notion that the teacher was this absolute expert somehow. Even when I KNEW this not to be the case, and believe me at UNR there were plenty of counter examples to refute the rule, I still somehow accepted this idea. Like an elephant chained with a string, right? An implicit power relationship was in place, and I accepted it unquestioningly. Maybe now this same string binds me, but tethered from the opposite side. Who was it that said that we're not afraid of failure, but of what...oh, it was Nelson Mandela...No, my bad. They're by Marianne Williamson [wikiquote]

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.