::::RENO WEATHER UPDATE::::

Due to the immense amount of snow, ice, and now three-foot deep slush covering all major and minor roadways, passageways, alleyways, highways and byways; and due to the fact that we have sold all our snow plows to pay off our gambling debts, the county has declared the city streets a class 5 kill zone. All laws are suspended in this area. Drive wherever you please, or feel you might be able. Park anywhere, too. Why not. Soon the streets will be choked with dead pedestrians and crushed geo metros anyway.

Cleanup and plowing will begin as soon as it is feasible for us to do so (May or June), or as soon as we can convince Vinny to spot us a yard to put on the next Denver game so we can get those damn plows out of hock; because hey, our luck has just got to change, we can feel it.

Thanks,

The City of Reno