Well, here I am. Sick again. Boo sick. Really, that's twice in a month. I hate this feeling of isolation and separation that having a cold gives me. Like I'm locked in my head. It's disorienting. I can't think straight. Postponed my trip to Halong bay, see if I get better. GOD! FUCKING FUCK. And this keyboard doesn't work. And I'm tired of getting ripped off everywhere I go and all he touts and all the pidicab drivers... I finally yelled at one tonight. I mean, they yell at me. "Hey! Hey! Where you going?" "Hey! Where you from? Where you going? Mr. Hey, Mr.!"

God. Hey Mr. What? I'm on fire? What for Christ's sake? Jesus. Where am I going? Your mom's house. Yeah. Right now.

I'm tired of keeping my guard up constantly. Checking the bed when I check in, checking the hot water, the phone. Does the lock work? Is there construction around? Who's looking at me? Is the meter running? Glancing at my watch. Checking my wallet. Taking nothing for granted. Looking every gift horse in the mouth. Always asking how much up front, because everyone, anyone talks to you, foreigner, for one reason only.

I met this guy, a guide on my motorbike tour of the DMZ. I thought we were getting along, conversing after a long day on the bike together, until he asks me if I want to meet some young girls. Just doing his job. Pimping.

I went to the market in Hue the other day and some nice ladies were laughing with me and they had me sit down and I tried some of their wares. Spring rolls and other little snacks. Of course I knew I would have to pay for them, but I was stunned by the 50,000 d bill. I could have eaten at an expensive restaurant for that. And this was stall food in a dicey market. I mean, I saw two rats while I was eating. I thought they were joking at first, so absurd was the price.

I get charged three to four times the going rate on everything normally because of who I am, and then occasionally I get the privilege of paying much more.

I guess you think it's fairly shrill of me to complain so much about what amounts to about 2 dollars, but it wears on you. I can't ask for directions on the street, as I will then be beholden to the stranger and be asked to buy something. Every interaction is laced with this inequity, this corruption. Western tourists are a bunch of millionaires walking the streets, and everywhere we go we create and foster and further this imbalance.

I just wish I could find in these streets an honest face. But I doubt I would trust it if I saw it.

***

Anyway. Travel report. Hoi An to Hue, where I toured the DMZ, as noted, and the local sights. Last night the night train back to Hanoi, where today I made travel arrangements and bought a much needed book (another Terry Pratchet I found in the used rack for $1.50). Also found the following DVDs: Spider Man 2, Russian Ark, Full Metal Jacket, Kill Bill 2, Big Fish, and Taxi Driver. Fog of War was sold out everywhere I went, and most anime and kung fu films were no shows. Anyone seen "House of Flying Daggers", "Hero"? Any requests for films should be submitted in writing.

OK. To bed. Tomorrow is a rest day, so I'll write some more, mail off some more postcards. Sorry for the vituperations and the whining, but I'm sick OK?