Shit! I was just looking back on my diary from 8-23 and I was like, that was a MONTH ago? Holy crap! Anyway, caveat: this entry is full of rambling personal stuff (aren't they all?) but this one's more rambling and less interesting... sorry. Skip it if you want. Well, duh. It's not like you're required to read any of these. You're actually doing me a huge favor by reading them though. Did you know that? It's a deal: I empty out the contents of my mind here, all the sordid and cobwebby ramblings, the terrible garbage you bury under the other garbage because it's not nice. Balls of string, pencil shavings. Maybe a couple of quarters in there. You keep those. You get all this and get to see me opened up, and I get someone to talk to. And exercise my exhibitionism, and get to feel important.. a little. You really get the short end here, so you're doing me a favor. So I want to thank everybody for reading this stuff from the bottom of my heart. Anyway:

Some short notes to myself. reading the Wind Up Bird Chronicle. Strange difference in the characters. The main character seems less real, obsessed with trivia, dull. The characters around him, mostly women, are more alive... almost comically so. Not funny, but caricature. Except his wife, who I meet only in reminiscences. And what's with the water? Everyone in the story connected by water or its absence. The well, the moon, the desert... Kumiko says that most of the world is hidden in darkness, covered in water, but it's there. I think this is all some kind of process to bring the main character to life somehow... an education. But there is a hint of self awareness that the characters are only characters. This makes me think they represent the author sometimes, kinda. So in a way is this story about the act of writing?

Whenever I read, i get so involved with the characters, if the book is good, i find myself thinking like I think they would think. It can affect my day to day life. So should I only read books with happy endings and strong characters? That wouldn't be very interesting. Like only eating one kind of food, even though it might be the most healthy food for you to eat. There's a metaphor here.

And then there's the whole Animal Ark thing. I kinda left those folks in the lurch. What to do... I should call what's her name, explain the situation. That should be nice and painful. How does that shit get so messed up? I was taking on too much back then, filling up the void. But that work was too big. Painful to admit failure, but I can mitigate! It wasn't all my fault! I mean, if .... what the hell is her name? If she would have just... ah fuck it. It's nobody's fault but my own. No one's dead or anything...

Raining now. I like that sound.. kind of a random noise. I like the sound when you have an umbrella or a cap and the rain hits it... although it always reminds me of that scene in Alien. With the chains and the water.

Tonight I saw this cart with a red lantern that said "ramen" on it. Tiny thing. alone in the dark, or almost alone. One customer huddled near the light, behind a little curtain. Restaurant for one. That old guy just pulls it around from place to place selling ramen.

Went to Osaka today with Matt and Julia. And my ipod. Best thing ever. Elliott Smith. instant soundtrack, which is no secret if you watch, um, American Beauty or um... Good Will hunting, Royal Tannenbaums, etc. Plus I love having people asking me what it is and sharing some music with them. It's my ego-centric dream come true. I love making mix tapes and subjecting people to my tastes, as any of my friends know. I used to get upset with people when they didn't like the same music as I did. Its expression. Like this blog. Its exhibitionism. Wanting to be the center of attention. I'm not alone here, right? I didn't think so. So now I've got this weird little device and its a great contact point for students. They've never seen this thing before which is weird because you think Japan has everything... anyway. I'm an exotic here so they want to know about do I know so and so or what do i listen to... So it's cool to share music with them, because, come on, they're in high school. Music rules your life.

Oh and I wanted to to write about the autumn, that was the reason I sat down here. For a couple of days I wanted... but it's getting late.